I hadn’t come unglued for quite some time and, I suppose, I was due. Cause when the guy in the TV ad said, “Satisfaction guaranteed. Or your money back!†… I lost it.
“If my satisfaction is guaranteed,†I shouted, “then what’s with the “or†part. A guarantee is supposed to be an absolute. It’s supposed to be without fail. There should be nothing like “or your money back” after a guarantee. All the “or” does is tell people that the guarantee really isn’t a guarantee. It weakens the whole premise of a guarantee. It waters down the very thing you’re attempting to lure your customers with!â€
At this point, I realized that my sudden outburst had scared the bejesus out of the cat who plowed through the popcorn bowl on his way out of the room at Mach I. As my wife and two kids retrieved popcorn from all parts of the room, it was strongly suggested that I give the subject of guarantees some additional thought … in another room.
Fine. Here’s my admittedly philosophical thinking. Time was, a guarantee was a solemn edict that meant something. Today, it’s almost a cliche’. Let’s say you’re guaranteeing “On-time” delivery. The very nano-second your delivery is late, the guarantee is null and void — proving that your guarantee really wasn’t a guarantee. That makes you a liar.
Part of the problem with guarantees is with the wording and the fact that people are attempting to guarantee that which they have no control over.
When developing a guarantee, think in terms of what you control. I can guarantee I’ll give you your money back, ie; “If you’re not satisfied, I’ll give you your money back… guaranteed.” In this case
I’m guaranteeing I’ll give the money back. I’m not, however, guaranteeing your satisfaction.
See the difference in the way the next two are written:
1) On time delivery guaranteed – or your money back.
2) On time delivery or your money back – guaranteed.
The first one guarantees on time delivery, as though I have control over mother nature, mechanical failure and a million other things that can prevent a delivery from taking place on time and ruin my reputation. With the second, I’m guaranteeing your money back. The first may ultimately prove to be an empty promise, which discredits me and gives my client or customer no reason to believe in my “faux guarantee” in the future. The second has teeth. It’s strong. It sounds good. But most importantly, I’m guaranteeing what I will do.
If you offer a guarantee, or are in the process of developing one, read it carefully to determine exactly what it is that you’re guaranteeing. Ask yourself, “Do I have control over what I’m guaranteeing?â€
You see, I can’t guarantee my family uninterrupted tv time, because apparently, I can’t control myself. And I can’t guarantee they’ll let me back in, even if I make more popcorn. But, I can offer them this, “If you let me back in, I’ll make more popcorn. Guaranteed!
#1 by Bren on September 26, 2006 - 10:21 pm
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Gulp,
I better go rewrite my guarantees!
Bren
#2 by Fiona on October 3, 2006 - 7:27 pm
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I cant guarantee uninterupted tv time from such an emotional subject i feel close to especially if the subject is promoted in a foreighn land. It takes time for the subject to familiarise with a new country especially if it’s has developed in one country for over 30 years. It’s like familiar territory becomes totally foreign to the subject that’s been promoted, there’s no guarantee from such an emotional subject . Like anything that’s new no one likes to invest something that’s unfamiliar to them until the promoter has studied and adapted it’s subject in it’s new foreign surroundings but there is allways a genuine guarantee of success at the end if the promoter learns to alienate it’s subject from it’s familiar territory. eg. you can’t compare Japan with Australia. Or home with live tv . It would be a poor buisness assessment. Everything done slowly seems to lead to success that way everything should be covered appropriately documented and understood without deceptions through buisness fraud . When fraud is left out of the equation and we trully deal with buisness honestly well then we can see things (options and understandings) allot easier which helps us to understand the culture of the foreign country our promotional subject has been placed in. It’s upto the buisness person who designed the subject to understand what they have created and it’s up to the subject to interpret the idea behind the designer to help the family buisness to succeed, it takes two. Everything done slowly is done well which often produces a quality . Through this process there is a guarantee of success. (Do you know what i mean? ) because i don’t ha.If it doesn’t succeed the first time or second you just have to keep reinventing the subject until it’s perfected ,you don’t drop a quality subject just because it wasn’t sucessfull the first few times if and only if you can see that it’s got quality. Like scientists researching stem cell research. There are allways guarantees when there quality is involved.You just keep trying no matter how dumb dumb you think subject is. (do you know what i mean? ) i dont.
Regards Fiona Joy.
#3 by david hynes on October 4, 2006 - 7:58 am
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What is Fiona trying to say, Fi, you say “Do you know what I mean” two times, its not like a verbal conversation. and at the end you say I don’t… And the rest is full of stuff that makes little sense. Would have been good if you stuck with the topic!
Michael, like your stuff.