During the 1980′s I had the privilege of working with an American speaker by the name of Roger Dawson. Roger is the author of a number of excellent books on negotiating and persuasion and he lives in California. I used to bring Roger to Australia to conduct his seminars and we’ve been friends for over 20 years now.

For years I couldn’t figure out what it was about Roger that enabled him to persuade me so easily to his way of thinking. I watched and marvelled as I saw him do it with other people too as we travelled together while on speaking tours. Somehow he just seemed to “charm” people into doing what he wanted them to do, even in the most difficult of circumstances. Was it really charm? Was it charisma?

I couldn’t figure it out and I’ve only just discovered what it was that Roger was doing. (Thanks Roger for waiting 20 years!) It’s so simple that I’m almost reluctant to share it with you, for fear that you’ll dismiss it as trite or too simplistic. But here it is.

I remember once being in the gate lounge at an airport preparing to board a flight to go somewhere with Roger when he used this technique on me. I had just received news that a business associate in another country had broken a financial agreement with me. Man was I angry! I told Roger, “He’s not going to get away with that. I’ll sue him! I’ll ruin him! I’m going to call him right now and tell him what he’s in for!” (I was a bit younger then and thought I was someone important!! Fortunately I’ve discovered the truth now and I’m less prone to such emotional outbursts).

Here’s what Roger did.

He said; “Wayne, you don’t really want to do that now, do you Wayne”?

He then tilted his head and smiled at me.

“Wayne, you’re going to think about this before you fly off the handle, aren’t you now Wayne“?

Again, he tilted his head and smiled at me and held my gaze longer than most people would.

I calmed down and took his advice and sorted the matter out rationally.

At the time I didn’t recognise what he was doing, but now that I understand what he was doing, I can vividly remember him doing this many, many times over the years we used to tour together. He’d get his way with hotel clerks when he checked in and wanted a better room for the same price. He’d get the sound system changed or the lighting altered, at venues when arrangements weren’t right for his presentation on the stage, and we were dealing with “union” people who were refusing to make the changes.

Derived from an interogation technique.

Roger says that he learned this technique from a friend who used to interrogate Japanese prisoners of war during World War II. Apparently he used it to consistently get information without physical threats. Amazing!

Here’s the technique.

1. Use the person’s name at the beginning and end of your request.
2. Make eye contact.
3. Make your request.
4. Then tilt your head to one side and smile as you say it.
5. Hold eye contact and continue to smile.

Sounds too simple to be true doesn’t it?

Here’s why it works.

1. A person’s name is like music to their ears
2. Tilting the head is basic body language. We do this unconsciously now most times when we are genuinely interested in what someone is saying. Doing it consciously sends an unconscious message that you are genuine, you care about the person and you are listening.
3. You can make the most outrageous requests of people if you smile. My old business partner Wendy has taught me that one too. I get embarrassed at times when I see what she gets away with by smiling when she makes a request. I’ve seen Wendy collect money from a bad debtor using that smile, when phone calls and letters from others have failed.

Put these three elements together and it makes a dramatic difference to how you come across.

Still don’t believe me? Try it this week and see what happens.

Have a great week. Make it a great week.